When we first gave birth to our daughter Lexie and she had so many physical problems, we were told she would most surely die within a few months, and if not then, as soon as we took her off the ventilator because they didn’t think she could breathe on her own.  We prepared our hearts for the worst scenario, and hoped for the best, that by some chance the doctors were wrong.  If anyone could say miracles are a bunch of hype it would be me.  I had the opportunity to learn about miracles, to hope and pray for miracles for our daughter, and then the miracle didn’t happen.  And still I believe.

Right before Lexie was born, I had begun a new friendship with a woman who lived around the corner from us.  Linda had been attending a different church than ours and they believed a little differently about God than I did.  When I told her the news, her first response was “But God is bigger than that”.  Thinking she was just trying to say something positive, I was not going to let her get away by trying to say something nice.  I wanted her to understand the reality that my baby was going to die so I told her the facts again.  But she wasn’t agreeing with me and quickly left the hospital room.

I was frustrated by her not “going there” with me, but at the same time a little part of me wondered, could she be right?  The next few weeks we were visited by people that began to pray over us and ask that we would be strong during this time.  That was so comforting to me until one day Linda came by and said she had been provoked by a book she had read by Dutch Sheets that told of a miracle that had happened through a long series of prayers.  She said she’d like to pray that way for Lexie.  I knew it was exactly the kind of prayer I wanted to pray, but something held me back.  That was hope.  I couldn’t go there, but was so glad to know someone else could.  It felt so much better than all of the doom I was being told by doctors.

I began attending Linda’s church that was full of people that believed in miracles.  They began to talk and pray openly about them and for people.  A Healing room was set up.  I began to search the scriptures for the truth about this.  Was it just some kind of crazy hope people had, or did God really talk about this for today?  I couldn’t hope for something that was just someone’s nice idea.

All through the scriptures I learned that sometimes Jesus did a miracle because he wanted many people to be touched at one time like the man who was blind since birth.  Sometimes it was because of someone’s faith that their loved one was healed or they were healed themselves.  Sometimes it was because of the apostle’s faith.  Sometimes it was casting out demons.  All things I had never heard of but I was very intrigued.

I began to listen to stories told of people being healed of all kinds of sicknesses and my hope began to rise.  I listened in amazement as a man by the name of Jack Deer came to our church and called out people and their sickness and many were healed.  I read some books and searched the scriptures to find out if this could be true.  It was in the scriptures where I learned of all kinds of miracles but I could see that many people were divided.  Some believed it was for today, others that it was for yesterday and didn’t happen today.  I had to make a choice.  I chose to believe miracles were for today.

Suddenly people in Linda’s church began getting gold teeth and there were many other manifestations of God’s presence.  It was so over the top, I couldn’t “figure out” what was happening and I had to let go of figuring it out and just believe.  That decision took me to Argentina with Linda and her husband, to find out what was happening there.  There were many stories of miracles and I hoped that somehow Lexie would be healed.  The first night there, a pastor told a story of how the miracles began happening with him.  He thought God told him to hold a crusade so he had rented a huge auditorium in faith, hoping he had heard right.  The first night of the crusade, a woman walked down to the front with a little baby.  That little baby was missing an ear and the pastor was terrified.  “Lord, what do you want me to do with this?  I can’t help her,” he prayed.  The Lord told him to pray for the baby.  As he stepped forward he felt the power of God come and touch the baby.  He exclaimed with joy as he told the story of the baby’s ear beginning to grow like a small rosebud until it grew into a tiny ear.  So many miracles happened that night.  I was sold.  This is real.  I want to know more.

Many times during our time there, I would call home and see if Lexie had been healed, my faith was so high.  I knew that my life had changed from our time there, and I would boldly begin praying for healing.  I began to be passionate about praying for Lexie and others to see miracles happen.  It was such a good place to live instead of my “preparing for death” place.  I had hope.  For the first time since her birth.  I believed that God could recreate her face and heal her.  Many times I would go to the healing rooms at church when I had become discouraged, and I would come away with hope and joy in the midst of my sadness.  Lexie seemed to be calmed by these times as well.  One particular time I pulled up to the church, unpacked Lexie to put her into her stroller and a voice said to me “Nothing ever happens when you come here, why bother?”  and then a voice came that said “Something always happens whether you see it or not.  Your family is all coming closer to the Lord and things are happening in the spiritual”.  I chose to listen to the second voice.  I chose to live in hope and to be around people that believed as well.

I lived that way for 3 years.  During that time we thought we’d lost Lexie many times.  Each time we would pray and she would come back to us again.  But eventually, her body gave out and she went to be with Jesus.  We were ready for her to not suffer pain anymore and to release her into her heavenly father’s arms.  Many people came to know Jesus and many were baptized because of her life.  There was a beautiful time of grace after she passed away, to know all the good that came out of her life and her time here on earth.  Eventually that grace lifted and we were left with the reality that she did not get healed.  People tried to comfort us with sayings like “She’s healed, it just wasn’t on earth.”  That didn’t work for me.  When I believe it is with all my heart and soul and mind.  I believed God would heal her on earth and he didn’t.  How do I figure this out?

For 3 years I believed that God heals, just not everyone and I comforted myself with sayings like “He called Lexie to earth to do a very special job and she did it well and then He called her back to heaven so she wouldn’t suffer anymore.”  True, just not all I believed could have happened.  I continued to believe that God only heals some, until we discovered that my son had macular degeneration.  Now of course God will heal that!  We prayed and listened on tv, invited people to our home to pray for him, and it didn’t budge.  He did not get healed.  Within that time I found out I was going to need a hysterectomy because I had precancerous cells.  Doctors told me this was a normal thing that happened often to women my age and I was furious!  This is wrong!  God!  Why did you teach me that you could heal, and no one gets healed!  I began to ask around for more information on miracles.  What was I missing?

During my quest, I happened to run into a man who had prayed for healing for many people.  He asked me “Ask the Lord to tell you what lies you believe?”

Well, we had gathered a group of people to our home to pray, and I was on the spot.  What if I didn’t hear anything, what if I had something deep and dark that came out?  I prayed and a little whisper came by my mind “He won’t heal me”  Well, that was ridiculous. I knew God could heal me if He wanted to, so I didn’t want to say it.  Kind of felt like I didn’t believe the bible.  But I did say it, kind of embarrassed like and the man just smiled and prayed telling me that God wants to heal everyone!  He doesn’t pick and choose to teach a lesson.  He wants to heal everyone.  My heart changed again that day.

I found out that Randy Clark, known for miracles, was going to have a conference near our town, so quickly signed up to find out what Randy Clark knew.  Bill Johnson from the Bethel Church in Redding was also going to be there, and I knew there were many miracles happening at his church. We studied the scriptures about Jesus and healing.  I was convinced that God wanted to heal everyone.  Now, what about me?

During the conference I had great difficulty sitting on the chairs.  At one point I became so frustrated and looked around.  Why am I the only one fidgeting around?  Why isn’t anyone else as wiggly as I am?  I suddenly remembered breaking my tailbone when I gave birth to my son 28 years earlier.  Wow!  I had totally forgotten that.  No wonder I was having trouble.  It was pain I had just accepted and had to deal with.  After 3 days my tailbone was in a lot of pain, but I was determined to persevere.  On Friday night Bill Johnson from Bethel Church came and spoke to us.  His first words after greeting us were “There’s someone here that has a broken tailbone and they broke it during childbirth.  God wants to heal you tonight.”

I jumped up out of my chair.  “That’s me!”  I shouted.  As I looked around, I was the only one that stood up out of around 600 people.  Bill laughed and told people around me to pray for me and God would heal me.  It wasn’t a maybe heal, it was a will heal.  I laughed and thanked God for healing my tailbone.  What a funny story.  I come for getting my uterous healed, and God heals my tailbone!  The rest of the night I was full of joy and danced continually for knowing that God touched me and I was healed.  Of course no one said anything about precancerous cells, so I spent the rest of the night asking people to pray for that too, and to ask for prayer for our son’s eyes.

On Monday I went to the doctor to do my preworkup for my surgery.  I knew that I hadn’t had any revelation about my hysterectomy so I’d better go back and do what I told God I would do.  I asked the doctor if we could do one more test to make sure I still had the precancerous cells.  After all, maybe God had healed me when I didn’t realize it.  The test came back a few days later and the doctor told me “I can’t believe it, but your precancerous cells are gone.  I know they did the tests exactly the way they did last time, and it came back clean.  Guess we can cancel the surgery and just do a checkup every six months.”

“Praise the Lord!!!!”  I shouted.

She kind of patted me on the head and said “Well, yes, that could be, but sometimes these things heal themselves.”  But I know what happened and so does God.

So, all this to say, I believe Miracles are for today.  Why do they happen sometimes and sometimes not?  I don’t have the answer to that, but I’ve decided that’s ok.  I’m going to pray and rejoice whenever it happens and learn everything I can.  But in the end, isn’t it wonderful to have hope?  So much better than preparing ourselves for death.  I’m going to be in the hope camp that maybe God will release another miracle and our lives will be again be forever changed.